We have been homeschooling over 20 years now.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  It’s still something that brings me to my knees.  It still sometimes makes me cry.  I still want to be the best mom I can be and I want to finish this homeschooling thing well.  But, I’ll admit it…I’m tired.

Next week we will be graduating our 4th and 5th from high school and our oldest son from college.  I have mixed emotions.  Part of me is doing an air fist punch and yelling, “YES!!!!!”.  Another part of me is sad realizing that my homeschool days with those high school kids is over…for reals.   Our graduating college son may have to move out of the area in pursuit of a job in his field.  That means he may not be coming home on the weekends anymore.

The high school graduates will stay living at home while one is working a full time job and the other is going to college, but still…life is changing…again.

If I could tell you anything from where I’m sitting, it would be this:  home educating our children has truly been far less about curriculum, math lessons and quizzes than it has been about having the opportunity to shape our children’s hearts.  It’s been more about  pointing them back to the cross..over and over again. 

It’s been way more about the thousands of dinners around the table almost every night, the loud family discussions and debates on different topics, and the redirection of energy (using work as consequences for misbehavior).  It’s been about the heart to heart talks, the hard life lessons and the struggles and crises we faced AS A FAMILY.

And you would think with everything so fresh in my mind, I would resist the urge to lose patience with our 11 yr old during a math lesson the other day.  That I would remember that I should be mining out the treasures inside of him that I know.are.there.  instead of being disappointed in a math assessment.  You would think that I would have my eye so clearly on the prize that I would not stress about how slowly he is progressing because of his learning issues.  

Instead I cried this weekend over whether or not I was doing him a disfavor by trying to teach him at home.  I literally felt stuck…I know I don’t want to send him to school because he truly would be worse off, but I seriously do not seem to have a clue as to how to get into his little head and help him learn a little faster, or a little better or at least be enjoying the process with him more.

So I’ve been on my knees once again as I have been countless times over the last 20  years, asking God to give me the wisdom and insight He promised He would (James 1). 

A sweet friend reminded me that I needed to look at Silas with different eyes, so that’s what I’m praying for…”Lord give me eyes to see Silas the way that you do.”

I can’t help but think of the words of that old hymn:

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Our God knows our children better than we do. He has a GOOD plan for them. He knows our weaknesses, moms and He works in and through them to help us through these times. He who started the work will be faithful to complete it!  

Durenda recently wrote a simple, mercifully short book on homeschooling called The Unhurried Homeschooler (aff).  It’s full of encouragement for your heart and some practical approaches to simply your homeschooling days.